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Joke of the Day

"The USA should invade the USA and win the hearts and minds of the population by building roads, bridges and putting locals to work."

"Q: What do birds give out on Halloween? A: Tweets."

"Told my wife I wanted our kids every other weekend and she reminded me that we're married and live together so I'd have to see them every day."

"What's the difference between a Mexican and a notebook? A notebook has papers. -I'll see myself out now"

"ShermanFury @ShermanFury, so clever...."

"I hate when people talk to me while I'm using the restroom, the other day, this guy was all like ""Sir this is a display model at Home Depot"""

"A pirate walks into a bar... ...With a steering wheel in his pants. The bartender says, ""Is that a steering wheel in your pants?"" The pirate says ""Arrr, it's drivin' me nuts!"""

"What do you call a priest giving a long, boring sermon? An anes-theologist. (close enough)"

"Why is Islam in Iran so bad? Not exactly sure why, myself, it's just Shiite"

"What does a Buddhist monk say when ordering a subway sandwich? *Make me one with everything*"