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Joke of the Day

"Understanding women is like... Smelling the color 3."

"Why is Ireland the richest country in the world? ...her capital has been Dublin for years"

"Judge: Sir, need I remind you that you are under oath? Goldfish defendant: Yes."

"Niagara Falls A guide was showing Niagara-Falls to a man from Texas and said; I'll bet you don't have anything like this in Texas. The Texan said; nope, but in Texas we have plumbers who can fix it."

"Cheap prostitutes are like coffee If you put your dick in them it's gonna burn"

"Why do gingers love driving Kias? It's the only way they can own a soul."

"I have a button on my microwave that says stop time. I assume its for the timer but I don't touch it just in case."

"[On couch, notices it's 6pm] Luckily I don't have to pick up the kids from the Christmas party until 8. *Notices it's February* OH SHIT"

"me: Dave's coming over wife: Nice Dave or Dave who picked a fight with a kid named Cancer? *Dave walks in wearing an ""I Beat Cancer"" shirt*"

"What does 80 year old pussy taste like? Depends."