21017

Joke of the Day

"How many bricks do you need to screw in a lightbulb? Just two, but you're going to need a lot of patience and light bulbs."

"TIFU by mixing up my wives subway orders. I gave Lucy's to Rosa, and Rosa's to Lucy."

"Why did the lime disapprove of his daughter? Because she was a little tart."

"We should call them Whether Men, because they don't know whether or not it's going to rain, get it? That's a good one."

"My psychologist said that I am losing my mind, and I don't agree. I'd say that my mind is losing me."

"[watching TV] GF: Tickle my back please ME: Is that nice? GF: Little bit higher ME: [very slightly squeaky voice] Is that nice?"

"Why do women have periods? because they deserve them."

"A white guy, a black guy and a priest walk into a bar.. I immediately shoot the fucking nigger in his head, taking another dark coon out of the gene pool."

"I love the smell of blown out matches... Chile vs Mexico was a real treat!"

"If you woke up in the woods with a handful of leaves and a condom hanging out of your butt, would you tell anyone? Wanna go camping?"