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Joke of the Day
"TIFU by mixing up my wives subway orders. I gave Lucy's to Rosa, and Rosa's to Lucy."
Next Joke
"Million Dollar Idea: Teach pugs to DJ, create a new genre of music...pugstep."
"The only thing I want to ""portion control"" is my time spent at work."
"Just like Hitler with the tiny mustache, Kim Jong-Un is ruining that haircut for everyone else."
"*at interview* Him: What would you say are your strengths? Me: Words Him: Can you say more? Me: More Him: Me: I'm also good at directions"
"What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent feat. Nickelback Go ahead, down vote me to oblivion Edit: thanks for all the love, appreciated"
"I just enlisted my kids into the Navy. Or as the wife calls it, masturbated in the shower."
"All a woman wants is a strong, confident, capable man who will wear whichever shirt she tells him to."
"I think Sandra Bullock chooses movies based solely on the number of times she can say ""Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!"""
"Nobody likes the girl who brings the acoustic guitar guy to the party."