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Joke of the Day

"Why Won't Monica Lewinski vote for Hillary? The last Clinton left a bad taste in her mouth"

"Morning is the time when everyone is jealous of unemployed."

"Confidence? Oh yeah I've heard of that. It comes in a bottle and you have to be 21 to buy it."

"Why did the teacher cross her eyes? Because she couldn't control her pupils."

"My brother got into a car accident today I asked where he got into the accident at and how he was doing. He said he got into the accident in Oklahoma and that he is doing OK."

"There are two kinds of countries in this world. Those who use the metric system. And those who have landed a man on the moon."

"Why did no one trust the dermatologist? He kept making rash decisions."

"Mother in law found me... On the twitter This will be converted into a pineapple upside down cake blog for the next 72 hours. I'm so sorry"

"Me: [opens front facing camera at a funeral and starts crying] ""he must've meant a lot to her."""

"[lightbulb store] owner: ""what watt can i get you?"" me: owner: me: owner: ""did i stutter?"" me: ""i dont know"""