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Joke of the Day

"Morning is the time when everyone is jealous of unemployed."

"My ex was an absolute treasure. By treasure, I mean you will need a map and a shovel to find her."

"ME: I'll have the chicken dinner. WAITER: Yes, sir. *throws corn on the floor* Here, chick chick chick. ME: *pecks at the ground* Excellent."

"Whats the difference between pink and purple??? Your grip!!!"

"Did you hear about the cow that tried to hurdle a barbed wire fence? It was an udder disaster."

"Developers don't spoon their SO They fork them."

"Where do all the good boys go to hide away? r/cringepics Based off Daya's song ""Hide Away"""

"I love my dog. He's a real son-of-a-bitch."

"You don't have to speak bird to know that when they chirp right outside your window they're asking for you to kill them."

"Found a fly on his back by my keyboard. So dead. So sad. Put a cocktail umbrella by his head. Now he looks like he's suntanning."