209407

Joke of the Day

"Reporter: How do you feel that your proposal was turned down by Congress? Obama: Well, I've alw-- Biden: [grabs mic] TURNED DOWN FOR WHAT?"

"You know what really grinds my gears? Not pushing my clutch pedal down far enough"

"Why does a milking stool only have three legs? The cow has the udder."

"Mafia Boss: You wearin' a wire? Me: ""Wire"" you asking me that? lol get it [the rest of this tweet takes place on the bottom of a river]"

"Him: you're so beautiful. The moment you smiled at me,u had me Me: that's really sweet Me in my head: I have a piece of my poo in my purse"

"What has antlers and sucks blood ? A moose-quito !"

"Canadian Joke: How was Terry Fox like Hitler? He couldn't finish a race either."

"I visited the new aviary everyone's talking about but I think it's for the birds."

"When she stops crying and gets really quiet, keep your guard up. You're experiencing what scientists refer to as ""the eye of the shitstorm."""

"What kinda meat does a priest eat on Friday? nun"