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Joke of the Day

"People say I'm a plagiarist Their word, not mine"

"A coworker just asked if I had any ""mouth water"" and I am thoroughly confused by this"

"Girl, are you E=mc 2? Because I do not have the energy to figure out what is the matter with you."

"What does my physics professor have in common with Gandalf? YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!"

"I lost my watch at a party once Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl, not on my watch."

"Let me tell you a joke about my dick... Nevermind, it's too long."

"machines in a casino do you know which machine is the most likely to pay out? The ATM"

"I was on the beach with my daughter. After a while, she turned to me and said, ""Dad, you look like a lobster."" ""Oh no,"" I replied, ""Am I burning?"" She said, ""No. Just very ugly."""

"Why is the apostrophe always near an ""s""? Because it is possessive"

"Why do chicken coops have only 2 doors? If they had 4, it would be a chicken sedan! ^I'm^so^sorry"