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Joke of the Day

"machines in a casino do you know which machine is the most likely to pay out? The ATM"

"How long is a 0 or 1? Just a little bit."

"I got some good tips on how to spice my roast chicken... I guess you could say it was (_) ( _)>- (_) Sage advice."

"have u ever tried to break a crush by looking at their Facebook like PLEASE post abt Mumford & sons or smth so I can be free from this curse"

"What goes ""clip-clop-clip-clop-bang?"" An Amish drive by."

"""Your resume says you spent 4 years in England. What were you doing?"" *flashback to me trying to find the actual Hogwarts* ""Grad school."""

"A powerful tornado tore through our town last night. So far, eight bodies have been found. Plot twister. It only damaged the graveyard."

"What's a nymphomaniac cook's least favourite ingredient? Italian dressing"

"I suck at sports events It's a good way to make a quick buck."

"[grandma's house] Little Red Riding Hood: Are you going to eat me? Wolf: I just want my hoodie back."