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Joke of the Day

"When is April 2nd and she is still pregnant! D:"

"Two wizards in a car were driving along and the police were chasing them for speeding. One said ""What are we going to do?"" The other replied ""Quick turn the car into a side street."""

"Knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock -Who's there? -The plane captain."

"A man is in a car wreck and is rushed to the ER. When he wakes up he tells the doctor: ""I can't feel my legs!!!"" The doctor replies: ""I know, I cut your arms off."""

"Dear keyboard, They may touch you, but they can't take their eyes off of me. Sincerely, monitor."

"Me: ""Breath mint?"" Her: ""Sure."" M: ""Don't mean to offend."" H: ""None taken."" M: ""Great. Good to hear. Care for a push up bra?"""

"[lookin in bushes for our baby] me: where the hell can he be? dog: roof roof roof me: will you shut up [baby waves at the dog from the roof]"

"Whats the difference between a rooster and a prostitute? A rooster says kok-a-doodle-doo and a prostitute says any-kok'll-do"

"What do you call five black man having sex? A threesome."

"We have a genetic predisposition for diarrhea Runs in our jeans."