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Joke of the Day

"Sees friend from highschool. Gives friend a big hug. Refuses to let go of friend. Becomes siamese friends."

"Professor: Heavens! Someone stole my wallet! Wife: Didn't you feel a hand in your pocket? Professor Yes but I thought it was mine!"

"Hold.. Hold.. Hold.. CHARGE!!!!! -Ice at the bottom of a glass"

"Jesus: Give them fingernails in case they start itching. God: Alright, but wouldn't it be funny if they couldn't reach their backs?"

"An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman went to a bar. They all had to leave because the Englishman wanted to go."

"I tell you what makes my blood boil, faulty spacesuits."

"I heard that Yoga class was a great place to meet women So I went every day for three months. Bad news is I didn't meet a girl. Good news is I can now give myself a blowjob."

"whoops i accidentally spilled a whole pizza in my mouth"

"What is a penguin? A swallow who ate after 6pm."

"What happened to the Italian chef when he died? He *pasta way*."