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Joke of the Day

"All the good guys aren't taken; they're at the bar on Tuesday nights. Trust me. I'm a stranger on the internet."

"What did the water say to the boat? Nothing. It just waved."

"I do this cool trick when you introduce yourself where I concentrate on literally anything else in the universe except your name."

"If you don't like the news, go out and make some."

"What did the dough say to the baker? You, knead me."

"Why are redneck murders hard to solve? No dental records and the DNA is all the same."

"Rick Astley will give you any movie from his Pixar collection... ...But he's never gonna give you Up."

"How did the woman feel when she got run over by a car? Tired."

"I'm eating a bottle of glitter so when I get drunk and throw up tonight people will think I'm a unicorn in human form."

"What Do You Call A Dog With Wings? Linda McCartney"