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Joke of the Day

"Divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter, and what do you get? Pumpkin pi."

"Treat her like she's the only girl on Earth. Nothing makes a woman happier than the thought of every other woman disappearing forever."

"If you drop food on the floor in public, it's proper etiquette to look around and see who noticed before shoving it in your mouth."

"They laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now."

"What's the difference between a biscuit and a monster? You can dip a biscuit in your tea but a monster is too big to fit in the cup."

"SOMEBODY: she had a boyfriend who looked like that girlfriend that you had in february of last year ME: what the hell are you talking about"

"How many ADD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Wanna go ride bikes?"

"Back in my day, Nintendo Wii meant you peed your pants because you wouldn't move for hours playing Super Mario Bros."

"My Girlfriend says I never listen to her Or something like that"

"What would martin luther king be if he was white? Alive."