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Joke of the Day

"[hears a baby crying on the train] Can somebody put that thing on silence please? ""It's a baby.."" ... ""..."" Vibrate?"

"Why is it so hard to get a mortgage in Columbia SC? All the homes there are underwater"

"What do you call a shooting at a Mexican golf course? A hole in Juan"

"I used to play pocket hockey... ...but I stopped because the referee was a dick."

"4 said he went potty and I asked if it was number one or number two. He said number 7, and now I'm terrified to go into the bathroom."

"I hate gender roles. They make me so angry and virile and strong"

"Apparently my facebook friend, Ashley, has a cat suffering from a horrible hairball. I'll be spending the day praying for it like she asked."

"Here, take my hand. Now slap yourself with it."

"The next person to show me that dress... ...is gonna get a white and gold eye."

"Him: Boo! Me: Did you just call me your Boo? Him: I was scaring you! Me: Mission accomplished. *backs away*"