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Joke of the Day

"How do you know your girlfriend is getting too fat? Because she tried on your wife's pants and they fit."

"I fart like an Egyptian pharoah... We have a toot in common."

"The so called genius at the Apple Store mentioned he has a girlfriend; thus, his geek credibility is compromised & I don't trust his advice."

"Why did the ambassador have extra resistance to harmful foreign bacteria? He had diplomatic immunity."

"I woke up this morning and realised I didn't have to go to school today. I was so happy... then I remembered I'm an unemployed 43-year-old."

"Imagine if every Sunday all your friends decided to only speak in a foreign language. That's how I feel during football season."

"""I'll never forget you Jack"" ""Can I float on that wood too, Rose?"" ""I'll always remember you"" ""Seems like there's room for--"" ""Goodbye Jack"""

"I was playing guitar then my 2 year old took my guitar pick and dropped it somewhere. ""Where is my pick,"" I said. He replied ""Oink Oink! "" I repeated the question but got the same answer every time."

"Though my heart is a fist, I really do my girlfriend"

"If life gives you melons... you're probably dyslexic."