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Joke of the Day

"What's the worst thing about a blackout? A shootout."

"i thought eyelashes were meant to keep shit out of your eye but half the time theres anything in my eye its a fucking eyelash"

"what do you call somebody who posts on /r/Jokes? a humorist"

"Sometimes I gaze upwards at the endless stars that populate the sky and realize how small I truly am. I should get one of those pumps."

"I accidentally pooped my pants during a 5 hour long company meeting today. It was super embarassing, but a man's gotta doo when a man's gotta doo."

"What does the electron say to the resistor? Ohm my god you're impeding me. *initiate knee slap"

"Her: I like risk takers Me:[goes to the McDonalds Drive Thru and places a complicated order. Grabs the bag and drives off w/o checking it]"

"I have a rape joke. Never mind, it's a bit forced."

"The only way I'd see Taken 3 is if Liam Neeson gets kidnapped and his daughter has to rescue him"

"My boyfriend just texted me, ""We need to talk."" I think he's going to propose!"