20904
Joke of the Day
"What do you called being pepper sprayed at UC Davis? Occupational hazard."
Next Joke
"""I've got chills. They're multiplying."" ""Sir, you're going into shock. Please stop narrating--"" ""And I'm losing control."" ""Sir!"""
"{discussing wedding dresses} CW1: I had mine preserved. CW2: I donated mine to a charity. You? Me: I used mine as kindling for a bonfire."
"So Five Night's at Freddy's 3 was announced Is it going to have a dead horse animatronic that you have to beat?"
"[sitting at a table] Wife: writes number on paper and slides it across. Me: crosses out and writes new number *thermostat negotiations*"
"""there's only one thing to do when you're Zero Dark Thirsty"" *Navy Seals bust in and toss Bin Laden a Coke Zero, he pounds it in like 5 sec*"
"I challenged Superman to a fight. The loser had to wear his underwear on the outside."
"I work for the world's largest nanotechnology company. We're not very good."
"What do you call a cow that just gave birth? Decalfinated."
"Jesus sits at his last supper *breaks bread* This is my body *pours wine* This is my blood *open jar of mayo* Judas: I'm gonna have to stop you right there"