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Joke of the Day

"""I've got chills. They're multiplying."" ""Sir, you're going into shock. Please stop narrating--"" ""And I'm losing control."" ""Sir!"""

"Why is Jesus so bad at hockey? Because he keeps getting nailed to the boards!"

"I hope I never go to jail because I haven't memorized a phone number since 2006."

"What happens when Trump makes a meme? it goes dankrupt."

"Want to lose 10 pounds of ugly fat? Cut off your head."

"What is it called when Albert Einstein masturbates? A stroke of genius."

"Smiling gives you wrinkles. Resting bitch face keeps you pretty."

"I went to a cemetery today. The entire time I was there my phone didn't have any service. I must have been in a dead zone."

"Told my wife that joining the Mile High Club is on my bucket list. She said she didn't give a flying fuck."

"What do porn and heavy metal have in common? Both used to have a lot more hair back in the 70's and 80's"