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Joke of the Day

"How did the Edward Impersonator annoy /r/jokes? He feigned ted."

"Q. What is good for your soul but not your soles? A. Linedancing!"

"The older you get the less people you can actually tolerate. I can tolerate about 5 people right now, 3 are my children and even that's iffy"

"The Big C Saw my mate outside the Doctor's today looking really worried. ""What's the matter?"" I asked. ""I've got the big C,""he said. ""What, cancer?"" ""No, dyslexia."""

"What did the egg say to the boiling water?... You're gonna have to give me a minute to get hard, I just got laid by some chick."

"Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case? A: Branch Manager."

"What did Adam say to Eve the first time he got an erection? ""Stand back, I don't know how big this thing is gonna get!"""

"Before we begin, does everyone know how to leave the cursor in the middle of every video? Good. - 1st day of teaching school"

"""I only cheated on you with girls"" is the most beautiful thing a woman has ever said to me."

"I loved Prince, and in my opinion, Michael Jackson was pale in comparison."