208919

Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One's pretty heavy and the other is a little lighter"

"slowly adding more and more lead to your meals until you're immune to bullets"

"What type of belly buttons do cars have? Audi's."

"Hi..You've reached my voicemail. I could come to the phone right now but I saw your name on caller ID so leave a message..or not."

"I once slept through a burglary. Next thing I knew I was in the back of a police van."

"""What a nice doggie."" ""I'll have you know it's not a doggie but a pure bred."" ""YOU HAVE A DOG MADE OUT OF BREAD??!!!!"""

"[break-in] BURGLAR: [cracks safe] COP: Not so fast, kiddo BURGLAR: [cracks safe more slowly]"

"One of the first things they tell you in AA is to stop hanging around alcoholics. So I listened, and never went back."

"give a man a shoe and he'll be confused as to what he needs one shoe for. teach a man to shoo and you won't have to deal with his confusion."

"I really want to try sado-necro-beastiality... But I feel like I'd just be flogging a dead horse."