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Joke of the Day

"The only time I hate being single is when I knock something over & catch it before it hits the ground but there's no one around to see it."

"A woman once asked me for 9 inches and said to make it hurt So I fucked her 3 times and punched her in the mouth."

"What is the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair"

"Did you hear about the guy who has a fetish for cashews? He's fucking nuts."

"My friend gets offended when people tell fat jokes. I told her to lighten up."

"How do you get your hair into shape? You condition it"

"I was very impressed by this child's witch costume. Until I realised she was just an ugly midget in a black dress."

"What did one royal family say to the other before getting into a fight? Put up your Dukes! I'll just let myself out..."

"I have a friend whose thighs don't touch..I was jealous until a breeze came up..It sounded like a turbo fan in wind tunnel. Small favors."

"So an Irishman walks into a pub... What else is new?"