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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the crowd of Catholic priests at baby Gap? The sign in the window advertised ""Little Boys Pants Half Off!"""

"[bank] I'd like to pay this into my account [empties pockets full of cat teeth] OMG I'm so sorry [takes card back] that's the wrong account"

"What was early man's best friend? Primates"

"I called my boss and told him ""the roads are blocked so I'll be redditing from home today"""

"My ex girlfriend kept stuffed animals all over her bed. It really killed the mood... ...because she was a taxidermist."

"Let my 4 year old score his first goal on me in hockey & he said, ""NA NA, you couldn't stop me!"" so he also received his first cross-check."

"I went to the opticians today, you'll never guess who I bumped into. Everybody"

"I threw a boomerang a few years ago I now live in constant fear"

"What does a bowl of spaghetti and a degree from Phoenix online both have in common? If it ends up on your wall you're probably retarded."

"I had an asthma attack while walking to work today... Even I didn't believe it when 3 asthmatics jumped out of a bush and started hitting me."