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Joke of the Day

"A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants... The bartender says ""Hey! You know you've got a steering wheel in your pants?"" The pirate replies: ""ARRR it's drivin' me nuts!"""

"Hour 3: The group of hipsters has accepted me. However, the leader seems suspicious of the cinnamon roll man bun I taped on top of my head."

"-You talkin to my girl? *pops knuckles* -What if I am? *cracks neck* *dislocates shoulder* *breaks collarbone* *fractures skull*"

"Why did the Jews wander in the wilderness for 40 years? Someone dropped a penny."

"The easiest way to a man's heart? It's between the fourth and fifth ribs"

"Two cows and a cat were going on a trip. Cow A: Do we go this way with the cat? Cow B: The cattle go this way, we shall go the udder way."

"Walmart calls them self checkouts, I call them I might not pay for some of this."

"A man fell into a deep sleep after eating too many telephones. He's in a dialbetic phona."

"I've been calling my wife ""honey"" for 12 years because I don't know how to tell her I forgot her name."

"What did the homeless man get for christmas ? Hypothermia."