205958

Joke of the Day

"Why is Chuck Norris still alive? ## Because he's afraid of meeting Bruce Lee on the other side! Credit: Saw the comment in this [tribute video](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v8wL3AA4BP0) [1:55]"

"What goes ""knio knio?"" A backward pig."

"I would tell you a pizza joke... ...but it's too cheesy."

"*standing behind home plate* -Beware of my dog-like reflexes. -Shouldn't it be cat-like reflexes? *catches baseball with my face*"

"Wife says ""sorry I have my period"". I said ""that's ok honey, that's what the colon is for""!"

"A wizard and a vampire walk in to a bar The Wizard says, ""Let me buy you a drink old friend,"" The Vampire says, ""One chicken please!"""

"I bet the creator of the artificial heart is pretty pissed that we still use ""sliced bread"" as our basis for great inventions."

"A black man, a Muslim, and a Communist walk into a bar... The bartender says, ""Hello, Mr. President!"" Courtesy of my Fox News-watching mom..."

"""YOU AIN'T SHIT WITHOUT ME! YOU HEAR ME? YOU'RE NOTHING!"" - syrup to pancakes."

"Sometimes, my secretary reminds me of my wife. I was unbuttoning her shirt the other day during our lunch break when she said, ""Remember, you have a wife."""