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Joke of the Day

"I'd be surprised if no one had ever tried to get pity sex using their Web MD results. ""But, baby, I'm dying..."""

"They could put nuclear missile launch codes in porn movie end credits and they'd still be perfectly safe."

"What did the unimpressed wind turbine say? I'm not a fan."

"*takes pen and notepad from psychiatrist's hand ""This'll go quicker if you let me do it."""

"I remember the first time I used a Universal Remote Control I thought to myself: ""Well, this changes everything."""

"My buddy David lost his id so now I just call him Dave."

"I like to think I'm pretty smart. I just managed to get a 90 on my iq test."

"Most people can't drink coffee then go to sleep. I'm just the opposite. . . I can't go to sleep and then drink coffee. God, that was stupid."

"Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink."

"I just love rehydrated raisins They're grape."