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Joke of the Day

"Me: Every beautiful girl has an ugly friend Girl: That's why my friend is ugly Me: I see. You are just a pair of ugly girls"

"I like Jews how I like my cookies. Cooked in an oven"

"5 year old: ""That's a big truck!"" ""It's a moving truck."" ""ALL TRUCKS MOVE."" Why am I the one that feels like an idiot?"

"Why didn't the blond call 911? She couldn't find the 11 on the dial pad."

"I only believe 2 things 1. Respect a woman that says no 2. Never take no for an answer"

"For Christmas this year I'm going to pay my bills and look at pictures of Europe and cry."

"What street in France do reindeer live on? Rue Dolph"

"Some asshole just clogged my toilet"

"Tried to catch fog yesterday... Mist."

"PUTIN: If your American lover is in this room I'll kill him ELENA: He's not! PUTIN: (softly) u...s... [bursting from closet] A! USA! USA!"