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Joke of the Day

"I'm DJ'ing my daughter's 11th bday. As DJ D. A. D. , I need to collect your best dad jokes suitable for the mic! I'm sure she'll forgive me... eventually.... Hit me!"

"Why did Sean Connery say he quit his mall Santa job? I got tired of all the kids asking to shit on my lap."

"How can you tell when you're in a bad strip club? It's not hard."

"I would have won the Junior Olympics too... ..if it weren't for you medalling kids."

"Britney is stranded on an island Britney is starving Britney forms tool out of rocks and sticks Britney sees a fish Britney Spears"

"What do you get when you cross a gay man and a Jew? A hit Broadway show. (heard Drew Carey make this joke in a Whose Line blooper reel)"

"What do you feel when there's no more coffee? Depresso."

"My friend sure changed when she became a vegetarian... (fixed) I mean, she never actually told me she was a vegetarian. But they say you are what you eat. And now she's a vegetable."

"What's the Difference Between John Wayne and Jack Daniels? Jack Daniels is still killing Indians."

"Only 2 kids made it out of my Jedi class. One killed the padawans. The other was abandoned in the desert I'm dreading that class reunion."