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Joke of the Day

"Because he always knew what the punchline would be. Why didn't the psychic laugh at any jokes?"

"What do you call a bear with no teeth? A Gummy bear."

"Homeless dude asked me for $10. Thought it was greedy but realized that we were standing outside Whole Foods. Totally legitimate request."

"You ever stick your dick in pecan pie? It's fucking nuts."

"What did the doctor say to the man who walked off the roof of his house? I don't think you understand the gravity of the situation."

"What do you call a person with a nose but no body? Nobody knows"

"I was helping Animal Control round up a stray dog today, and was hoping to get credit for the catch. But he got the collar."

"What is a pirates favorite letter? R? No it be the C!"

"What do you get when you have sex with the Quaker Oats guy? Oatmeal Creme Pies."

"Another previously unknown dinosaur was the Thesaurus who used flowery language to confuse and disorient predators while he made his escape"