207905

Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? Attire."

"What do you call a dead guy hanging on your wall? Art."

"I try to use proper grammar and punctuation in all of my tweets, until I'm about to go over the 140 character limit...& den u no how it b."

"I'm not looking for a TC, I'm looking for someone with a woodchipper who doesn't ask questions."

"A Rabbi's money maker. A man asks a Rabbi if he gets paid for the circumcisions. The Rabbi says - No, I can't do that! I just Keep the tips!"

"""Plagiarism Squad reporting for duty."" / ""Copy that."""

"Me: C'mon. Dog: No. Me: Let's go. Dog: No. Me: Please? Dog: YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?!? Me: It's just rain. Dog: I already pooped in your shoe."

"I've been training like Rocky lately *cracks Cadbury caramel egg, drinks caramel*"

"THE WEEKND: I can't feel my face when I'm with you DENTIST (injecting novocaine): that's kinda the point dude"

"Fancy Dress My mate and I decided to go to a fancy dress but he was adamant that we had to go dressed as Tom Chaplin and Jesse Quin. I wasn't very Keane on the idea."