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Joke of the Day

"A person is drowning and yelling ""HELP I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SWIM"" A bystander tells him to shut up because he doesn't know how to swim either but he's not freaking out about it like the guy drowning."

"""Your resume says you spent 4 years in England. What were you doing?"" *flashback to me trying to find the actual Hogwarts* ""Grad school."""

"I like how all these people are acting like they've never seen a naked 37 year old man fight 3 security guards at a mall food court before."

"Did you hear about the popular underwear campaign? It was briefly successful"

"It's politically incorrect to say 'black paint' these days... You must say, ""Jamal, would you mind painting the fence please?"""

"What made the quality assurance supervisor in an Amazon warehouse laugh? this"

"Son, do we have any dop Ted? son: what's a ""dop Ted""? dad: you are, you are adopted!! son: ... Nice one dad. dad: I'm not your dad. (Dad joke at its finest, credit: Kris Wilson)"

"You know what happened when your mom went swimming? The Titanic sank"

"I just saw an Asian chick with big boobs and a booty. I took a pic so if any of you have Mythbuster's email hit me up."

"What do you call a hooker who specializes in anal sex? A backhoe."