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Joke of the Day

"Whats yellow and blue and has a tight ass at one end? A Lidl's carrier bag."

"My first time having sex... was like my first time riding a bike, with my dad holding me from behind"

"I was pretty nervous doing stand-up in front of a bunch of nudists but then I imagined the crowd in their underwear and it helped so much."

"How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris? Don't know. Its never been done before."

"I'm doing a book signing at Barnes & Noble today. Nobody asked me to. It's not even my book."

"Cigarettes only give you cancer if you let them. It's called science. Maybe you'd know more about it if you read as many Yahoo Answers as me"

"What's a pirate's favourite letter? A P. Because it's like an ARR, but it's missing a leg."

"Give a man fire... Keep him warm for a day. Set a man on fire, keep him warm for the rest of his life."

"Rob a bank with a Nokia How would you rob a bank with a nokia? Walk in hold up a nokia, Robber: Get the fuck down i gotta nokia Lady: Holy shit hes got a nokia AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Something like that"

"[French restaurant] DANIEL: Promise me, not again MIYAGI: Promise. [raises hand] Garcon? [waiter comes] D: Don- M: [waves hand] Garcoff"