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Joke of the Day

"My Grandfathers joke is so appropriate today. ""Do you know where they send all the baby chickens that are orphans and have nowhere else to go?"" Well of course they send them to Foster Farms!"

"Time = Money because you SPEND it!"

"What's the difference between a middle school flute player and a dress maker Dress makers tuck up frills"

"5yo just abandoned his post as goalie so he could confirm we would be getting Chipotle for dinner. Because he is my child."

"What if God is gay and created Adam as a lover but Adam was straight and said ""no way God."" Then God got all pissed and created suffering?"

"If the United States ever collapses, the upside is that we can finally use the blue starry part of American flags to make wizard hats."

"Surgeon: I'll be taking out your appendix today Me: [stomach rumbles] Surgeon: [puts stethoscope to my tummy] Appendix: I have a boyfriend"

"Christmas Presents To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present... They are due back at the library today."

"What they dont tell you, is that your sheets are actually made of Egyptians and Cotton."

"When you send food back to the kitchen, you're basically saying, ""Can you have the chef rub his genitals on this please."""