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Joke of the Day

"5yo just abandoned his post as goalie so he could confirm we would be getting Chipotle for dinner. Because he is my child."

"I watched a comedian called Paul Jones the other day. He was Appauling!"

"Who cares if toilet paper is soft or not? Only an asshole can tell the difference anyway."

"What did Eric say to his classmates on the last day of school? ""Do you believe in God?"""

"Something good is coming my way I can feel it. Nothing life changing, probably just a hotdog God please let it be a hotdog"

"Why does Santa come only once a year? (Its not the chimney one) Because it's all his sack can handle"

"The first rule of flight club is.. ..turn the airplane on. & you should probably learn how to read."

"Hey brotherrrr (by Avicii) There's an endless road to be disMOTHERed! Lmao"

"Do you know how to plant tulips? Yes, then how about planting tu-lips on this"

"The only reason your girlfriend likes to suck your cock..... .....is because her parents told her to enjoy the little things in life."