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Joke of the Day

"America elected Donald Trump And we're going toupee for it"

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"Why don't you see elephants hiding in trees? Because they're so damn good at it"
"I lent a hot girl my umbrella while it was raining That takes the amount of girls I've made wet to -1"
"WIFE: what's the name of that girl you work with? ME: which girl? WIFE: the pretty one ME: I feel like this is a trap"
"The Atom and the Cation The Atom says to the Cation, ""who's in charge around here?"" Cation: ""I am!"" Atom: ""Are you sure?"" Cation: ""I'm positive!"""
"The key to every relationship is honesty. Honesty. Honesty. Honesty. Honesty. ...Gonna keep typing this until she stops looking over my shoulder."
"Masturbating while hooked up to a heart monitor can really mess with a hospital staff They never know if you're coming or going"
"What does a limp dick and a king cobra have in common? You don't fuck with either of em!"
"How did your blind date go? Bit of a disaster really, our guide Dogs started Fighting"
"Droopy Drawers by Lucy Lastic"