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Joke of the Day

"Will Smith: ""Jaden, I want you to star in this 100 million dollar movie with me"" My Dad: ""Shut up and hold this flashlight Steve"""

"What does a pig use to write his term papers with? Pen and Oink!"

"You always hear a stake through the heart is an effective way to kill a vampire, but actually, it's an effective way to kill lots of things"

"What world athletic sporting event is held every four years? The Olympigs!"

"Boy the things I did to that tirimisu were obscene! It was sort of embarrassing when they asked me to go back to my own table though."

"My car is 13 years old. I like how the ceiling fabric hangs down and makes it feel like a blanket fort."

"GUY: Your logic is flawed. According to experts- ME: Excuse me, but I practiced this argument in my head & you're saying the wrong things"

"Pretty sure my dog would make a shitty astronaut because space is a vacuum and those tend to scare him"

"Hey traveling businessmen, no need to put a lock on your carry-on. No one wants your briefcase full of boring."

"I live in a hutch filled with vibrating cedar chips"