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Joke of the Day

"When I first met your mom, I fell in love with her because she had a kind face... The kind of face I want to fuck the shit out of!"

"What does the Chinese government call an American with a PhD in physics, math and chemistry? STUPID AMERICAN!"

"An Irish man walks past a bar..."

"Since yesterday was the National Day of Prayer, today must be the National Day of Disappointment."

"You now what's great about fucking twenty five year olds? There's twenty of them."

"I've never met an air conditioned room I did not like."

"What's the difference between sperm and lawyers? Sperm have a 1 in 3,000,000 chance to become a human being."

"[sits next to friend in a coma, holding her hand] ""Squeeze once if that's an 8 at the end of your HBO Go password."""

"Apparently, the words ""I'd still hit it"" are words best kept to yourself at a funeral"

"Where do terrorists go when they're on the run? Apparently, they go everywhere."