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Joke of the Day

"BUNGEE JUMPING $25 per person. @$$holes get in FREE! No strings attached."

"*through a mouthful of Nutella* Oh, yeah, healfy eafing is sufer imfortant to me."

"cop: ""you kinda look like one that's all"" me: ""in no way am i a pirate"" cop: ""hmm, are you sure?"" parrot on my shoulder: ""did he stutter?"""

"""I see,"" said the blind man... As he picked up his hammer and saw."

"A Limerick There once was a man from the Styx Who liked to write Limericks But he failed at the sport Because he wrote them too short"

"[updating CW's iPhone] M: You need more gigs CW: I don't need no gigs I got a job Having a smart phone doesn't make you smart."

"Me: *ziplines into wedding* ""Sup nerds?"" *pants get caught and tear off leaving me dangling naked upside down* Priest: ""Ooh a pinata!"""

"Strip club[OC] So I'm at the strip club and this huge breasted woman comes up to me and slaps me silly with her left titty. Guy sitting next to me says,""bet that's gonna leave a lasting mammary."""

"I'd consider myself an artistic fetishist I go hard in the paint."

"Just put my phone on airline mode. That's when it delays your texts for no reason & acts like it's doing you a favor when it does send them."