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Joke of the Day

"9*picking his nose* wife:Get your finger out of your nose! me [alone in the bedroom] *takes finger out of nose* *whispers* How did she know?"

"I was dismissed from my responsibilities as church usher because I kept using finger guns to point out available seats. * pew pew *"

"I went to a zoo where the only animal they had was a dog It was a shitzu"

"What is the difference between Sarah Palin's mouth and her vagina? Only 1/5th of what comes out of her vagina is retarded."

"What do you call a horse that's a criminal? A Zebra."

"Why does Dr. Pepper come in bottles? Because his wife died."

"Never Trust An Atom They make up everything"

"""...and I would've won if it weren't for you meddling minorities, women, gays, young people..."" - Mitt Romney #ScoobyDooVillain"

"If your ringtone is my alarm sound, you can go straight to hell"

"Nobody under the age of 23 has any recollection of life before the internet. I hope that fact makes you vomit like it did me."