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Joke of the Day

"Sharks aren't the bad guys. If some stranger entered my house in just a Speedo, I would probably attack him too."

"What do you call a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, Chris Brown doesn't want you getting involved in his personal life"

"CW: if you repeatedly see a cardinal, it's the spirit of a loved one. I think that's my mom Me: that's nice. Your mom just shit on that guy"

"What's worse than 16 dead babies nailed to a tree? One dead baby nailed to 16 trees."

"What's a lesbian's favorite game? rock-paper-scissor"

"Has this one ever been used? Why didn't the chicken cross the road? Because he was chicken. Alright."

"I think I might be a genius! My nephew has a 12 piece jigsaw puzzle that says 3-5 years on the box and I managed to complete it in just 7 hours!"

"My ex called me a peadophile... Pretty big word for a 6 year old. Edit for all the nazis: paedophile... Common typo and not the worst in the world imo"

"I've started wearing a stethoscope around my neck... So, if there's a medical emergency I get to teach people a valuable lesson about making assumptions based on someone's appearance."

"My ex-girlfriend and I weren't compatible.. I was an Aquarius and she was a bitch. Anybody got any they wanna share?"