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Joke of the Day

"Ran out of laundry detergent, so I poured in some Windex. It worked OK, except for all the birds smacking into me."

"My CW just barked. Ok, it may have been a burp, but I'd like him a lot more if he were turning into a dog, so I think he barked."

"What do you call a cheap circumcision? ...a rip off."

"I dreamed that midgets were trying to assassinate me, so I bought a bulletproof car. Since they were midgets, I bought a convertible."

"Pulling pants up high to conceal a big belly is like a comb-over for the gut."

"I like my women the way I like my coffee. Tied up on the back of a donkey."

"College My son took Rock Climbing in college but he had to drop the class. He couldn't find any ""Cliff Notes."""

"What do you call a retarded kid with no arms and one leg. Names."

"I quit my job working for Nike. Just couldn't do it anymore."

"I wasn't planning on giving Christmas gifts this year until I heard about those exploding Samsung Galaxy phones."