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Joke of the Day

"Everyone's switching from the iPhone 5 to the iPhone 6 for an extra inch ...I sure hope my girlfriend doesn't do the same."

"Hotel beds are often all the proof I need that Satan owns a mattress factory."

"""Haha you flinched"" ""No crap, you almost hit me in the face!"""

"What do priests have in common with my dad's BBQs? They both stick their meat in 10 year old buns."

"Why was Edward stuck at the Russian airport? Because he was Snowden."

"I had a dodgy dwarf do a bit of casual building work for me. He asked to be paid under the table."

"To be honest, Adolf Hitler was a hero... Afterall, he was the one who killed Adolf Hitler."

"[first date] her: so are you a dog or cat person? me: *long dramatic pause* well... i'm almost positive that i'm just a normal person..?"

"Men at 25 plays football. Men at 40 plays tennis. Men at 60 plays golf. Have you noticed that as you get older your balls get smaller ?"

"Did Timmy enjoy his first fried eggs? No, because he sat naked on a steel poll in 113 degrees"