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Joke of the Day

"What are terrorists taught in math class? Jihadmetry. What do they learn about? ISISciles triangles."

"Why can't you hear a psychiatrist urinating? Because P is silent"

"OK THERE. DID I PASS YOUR STUPID SOBRIETY TEST YET? Cop: Sir, you're still laying on the ground where you fell down."

"I say we give them 1 more day and if they can't come to an agreement then we initiate the 1st U.S. Hunger Games."

"Two of my mom's sisters moved to the Alaskan wilderness. it's a double aunt tundra"

"Been watching Sharknado. When did Tara Reid turn 60??"

"Everyone in my house has diarrhea I guess it runs in the family"

"This venomous snake is pretty scary. What can we do to make it even scarier? Put a toy for babies on its tail. YES"

"What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say to his colleague? Hoover fuck said this job would be a good idea?"

"Puts cardboard cutout of myself at my desk a week ago* Receives check* Dang I just got a raise"