206529

Joke of the Day

"Thank goodness for wide, paved road shoulders that important people like me are entitled to use during traffic jams."

"I get home and realize where my house stood a shark now sits dressed as a house with its mouth open Shark:[nervously makes house noises]"

"What joke would piss off any redditor? Update 1: Punchline removed."

"The Karma cafe has no menus. You get served what you deserve."

"I bet by the time you were done listening to The Fray's ""How to Save a Life,"" the person choking on their food would be dead already."

"Do you know what a pirate's favorite letter is? You'd think it would be ""Arrrr"" but it's actually the C."

"What is the similarity between a projector and an ugly prostitute? Both work better with the lights off."

"Best exercise to lose a few pounds... So my friend who is a fitness instructor just came up with a new exercise to lose pounds in just a matter of days. He calls it the ""Brexit""."

"How are a piano and a squirrel alike? They both aren't artichokes"

"Just said, ""Sorry, I have to go,"" out loud to my computer."