206521

Joke of the Day

"A message from a Canadian to all Americans out there.. I'm sorry"

"Them: If you were stranded on a desert island with any two people, living or dead, who would they be? Me: Can they both be dead?"

"SOUND GUY: [taps microphone] this is a test, testing, testing...1, 2, 3.. MICROPHONE: [sweatig profusley] OH GOD, UH. FOUR?!! FOUR, IS IT FOUR"

"My girlfriend's brain is going 24/7... Like a 7/11, not anyways doing business but it's always open."

"The worst is when you're on a cruise ship that turns into an Autobot to fight a sea monster and you had a decent game of shuffleboard going"

"What did the first cannibal say to the other while they were eating a clown? Does this taste funny to you?"

"Socialism is like breathing water... You just aren't doing it right! Here let me try..."

"A frog can leap higher than a house ..partly because of the strength of its hind legs, but also because houses have difficulty jumping at all."

"Did you guys here about the kidnapping earlier today?! He woke up at about 1 o'clock."

"My wife went into labor this morning and I was excited until I saw that it's somebody's birthday on FB that I didn't like."