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Joke of the Day

"[grocery produce aisle] ME: Hi, are these genetically modified carrots? CLERK: No, why do you ask? CARROT: Yeah, why do you ask?"

"Guess who I bumped into today at the opticians? Everyone."

"I'm going door-to-door to promote my new gym. It's called ""Jehovah's Fitness"""

"Don't be ashamed of who you are That's your parents' job"

"You give a few pot heads a bunch of weed and nothing to smoke out of and suddenly they all become engineers. It's amazing."

"*rage dresses *rage stomps down stairs *rage closes neighbors banging garbage can lid flapping in wind *rage stomps upstairs *rage undresses"

"TIL: Ropes can pass through themselves Ohh wait they can knot."

"What's the American settler's spirit animal? The groundhog."

"You ever hear of Randy the Brown Nosed Reindeer? He was as quick as Rudolph but couldn't stop as fast."

"I was going to tell a gay joke... Butt fuck it."