131916

Joke of the Day

"The declawed cats that I feel most sorry for are the ones that want to play scratch off lottery tickets."

"Just saw a pensioner do a tribute to the England team. Yep she got off the bus look abit confused and then got back on went home."

"Those ""Smoking Kills"" stickers on cigarette packs would be more effective saying ""Smoking Kills Puppies with a power drill covered in bees."""

"If you look up ""cool"" in the dictionary, you'll see a picture of me. I like to deface dictionaries."

"What did one boob say to the other? You're my breast friend. Badum tits"

"If you watch an Apple store get robbed... are you an iWitness?"

"What do you call a cassette single of The Proclaimers' hit ""I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)""? Scotch tape."

"I used to like Mitch Hedberg I still do but I used to too. RIP Mitch, we miss you."

"why do blonds love door knobs because every body gets a turn"

"Found a quarter on the ground the other day You could say it 'changed' my life"