206031

Joke of the Day

"Where do you find a dog with no legs? Wherever you left it."

"Today i was woken up with a blowjob.. i will never fall asleep with my mouth open anymore."

"You say ""potato"", I say ""This isn't working. I think we are unhealthy together and you scare the shit out of me. Keep the cat. He hates me."""

"me: did you check the suggestion box boss: we don't have a suggestion box we have a paper shredder me: MY DRAWINGS"

"Who makes coffee for the U.N.? The French Press Secretary!"

"I don't understand the trend of Chinese restaurants with ""NO MSG!"" signs. Why would I eat somewhere that I can't send texts?"

"*goes to Australia *sees hot girl *asks if she wants to be my first mate *winks forever *gets punched down under"

"What did all the creepy people do before the Internet?"

"Life is like a packet of jelly beans Nobody likes the black ones"

"How do you put a condom on a elephant? You take the c out of ice and the f out of weigh."