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Joke of the Day

"My friends are starting to figure out that I got Botox in my forehead because I can't raise my eyebrows. Why am I not surprised?"

"I told my son I'm a motherfucker...... He was like. ""You fuck mothers...... lesbo."" I replied. "" Ain't a lesbo if it's myself."""

"Have you heard about the blind hooker? You've gotta hand it to her"

"Today I fell asleep for twenty minutes during a thirty minute car ride, which was strange because I was driving."

"How do you tell the time in the US? By looking at a bomb"

"How many Dragon Ball Z episodes does it take to change a lightbulb? ***Find out next time on Dragon Ball Z***"

"Blind jokes? didn't see that coming.."

"On $15 I could travel the world.. of Warcraft"

"What do you call an epileptic puppy? Kibbles 'n Fits."

"How does an eyelash, so soft and fine, turn into a cheese-grater when it gets under your eyelid?"