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Joke of the Day

"How do you tell the time in the US? By looking at a bomb"

"I just saw some pictures of Ray Rice's wife for the first time... she's a real knock out."

"Doctor said only clear liquids before surgery. Vodka should qualify just fine."

"Sometimes you have to choose between what is hard and what is easy Luckily for you I'm both right now"

"Always helpful... Before I criticize a man, I walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he's a mile away and barefoot."

"If God is a DJ, life is a dance floor, and love is a rhythm, then you are on LSD."

"What was the best thing about Jesus' crucifixion? Well, the cross was a big plus"

"I really like being a trophy husband. I just wish I wasn't a participation trophy."

"some penguins also can't fly because of their previous statements on Hamas and Afghanistan"

"How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb? Let's go ride bikes!"