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Joke of the Day

"When your friend offers you free food, all trust is gone out the window!!! The fuck did you do to it? Nothing, I swear! Okay I'll take a fucking bite."

"What picture does a cup get when it goes to prison? A MUGshot."

"Did you hear about the guy who went for the world fapping record? He almost pulled it off."

"The ancient Egyptians had strict burial requirements which may or may not have included being dug up & displayed in a museum years later."

"What do you get when you cross a weasel with a whale? A reprimand from the Scientific Ethics and Integrity Committee and an immediate withdrawal of your grant funding."

"Why did a seal go to the bar? .... Because he didn't want to go clubbing."

"I remember when my grand father first got his pace maker Every time he would go to use the microwave he would piss his pants and forget who he was for about an half an hour or so."

"What do you get when you cross a moose with a Mexican? A Mexican moose"

"I'll take ""That's Not A Category"" for $200, Alex. ""That's not a category."" Yes, that's right. ""That's not a category."" I chose that, yes."

"Kim Kardashian's birthday is today AND she got engaged to Kanye West! It's almost like it was made for TV! Wait...."